A Lesson

I put Chase to bed tonight and he cried and called for me for a long time. This doesn't usually happen, but the last two nights he has had a hard time going to sleep. I went in and out of the room a few times to comfort him, but we weren't getting anywhere. "Snuggle me, Mom." "Sing to me, Mom." "Talk to me, Mom." "I need help, Mom!" "I need milk, Mom." And on and on. I was torn over what to do. He's been a little under the weather, but not really sick. He acted pretty normally today, just a little bit less energetic. And I've snuggled him to sleep the last 2 nights, and I don't want it to become habit-forming for him. He's old enough now that he can tell what actions get him the results he wants and he knows how to manipulate my love for him sometimes. (It's not that hard to do...) So anyway, I was trying to give him comfort without giving in completely to snuggling him to sleep again, but he wasn't getting any closer to sleep and I was feeling...I'm not sure what, actually. Slightly exasperated thinking he was milking it, slightly guilty that I wasn't giving him what he wanted, and slightly unsure of myself and what to do. I was also wondering if Wayne was irritated with me for being too "soft" on him. I came out of the room for the 7th or 8th time and finally thought to ask Wayne, "What do you think I should do?" He said, "He doesn't usually do this, so if he wants you to snuggle him and you don't mind, I would snuggle him." I was honestly surprised at his answer, but relieved and grateful to hear his support of being "soft" tonight. It was just what I needed to help me realize that Chase wasn't just milking it, he was acting differently than he usually does, there was probably a reason for it, and he probably DID need some extra love and attention. Having Wayne notice it and say it out loud helped make it real to me, it gave me the perspective I needed, and gave me "permission" so to speak to just crawl in bed with Chase and snuggle him until he fell asleep. The mommy in me wanted to do that from the beginning, but the rational parent in me was concerned about forming a bad habit that would be difficult to break later, or teaching him that lots of crying would get him what he wanted in the end, or whatever other bad lesson might come from the situation. I hate those kinds of mental debates. Heart vs head. In situations outside of parenting, I think it is a much easier debate. Heart often wins, and for good reason. But in parenting, our hearts are SO in love with our little people that it blinds logic and reason at times. And it's not really a matter of heart vs head because head is a manifestation of heart -- it is because we love our children so much that we choose to listen to our heads over our hearts sometimes. Loving our children sometimes means being stronger than our emotions. There are times we have to suppress the mommy feelings and act on sound parental reasoning...but tonight was not one of those nights. Tonight I just needed to snuggle my little boy. Tonight I just needed to sing and sing and sing to him. Tonight I just needed to hold him and let him feel safe and warm and loved. Tonight I just needed to let him know I was on his side, and always will be. It was truly precious time with him that I am so glad I had. To Chase, this was just Mommy helping him feel better. But to me, it was an important lesson. I know reason and logic have their place, and I know that we have to rely on them to really show TRUE love for our children, even if that "true love" seems to contradict what "love" would do. But I never want to regret the stern choices that I make in the name of rational parenting. I don't want to look back and think, "I wish I would have just snuggled them to sleep more often. I wish I would have let them stay up late. I wish I would have let the Mommy in me win." There has to be balance, I know that. But I don't want to hold my kids at arm's length for the sake of rational parenting. I want to be their comforting hug, their warm milk, their soft landing, their safest place. I want them to feel love, first and foremost and above anything else they ever take away from our home. The debate will go on in a million different scenarios as my children grow. I don't know how I will know when to listen to my head and when to listen to my heart. But I do know what I want for my relationship with my children, and I learned tonight that it might mean being a "Mommy" more than a "parent".

TODAY!!!

While I have been told that the recent blogging spree has been much appreciated, I have also been told that RECENT pictures of the kiddos are desperately needed (particularly Saryn, because she is the one changing so quickly.) So, here you have it. These pictures are less than 3 hours old. And they are mostly Miss Sar-bear. Enjoy!

Chase is always happy when Legos are involved.

The big news for this little lady is that she has not one, but TWO teeth already!! The first one broke through on Thursday, September 29, and the second one came in on Saturday, October 8. She turned 4 months on October 9. Crazy!

Other very exciting news is that she can now roll over! It first happened on October 1. I changed her diaper and decided to let her air out on a puppy pad for a while (we have a few packages left over from our Cheiko days.) I laid her on her back to play, and a few minutes later Wayne walked by her and said, "Hey, she rolled over!" There she was, on her tummy several inches away from where I'd put her. Closer investigation revealed that she had peed on the puppy pad, and that provided all the incentive she needed to roll over and get out of the mess. :) She can also get herself out of tummy time if she's not in the mood. This all seems very early to me since Chase didn't roll over until he was 8 months old!

Chase was trying to catch the bubbles. I think this is a really cute picture.

Haha! I love this expression!

And here are several more Saryn shots so you can see some of her different angles and expressions:

I think this little sad face it cute. She had scooted too far over the boppy pillow and was not very happy about it. I had to take a picture before I helped her back to a more balanced position. :)

Back in Barrow Part 1

Okay, here are some slightly more recent shots. We got home to Barrow mid-September, and it was MU-DDY. Grampa took Chase to the store to get some puddle boots, and he came home with these awesome things:

Apparently Grampa and Chase spent some time outside testing the boots out before they came home...I wish I had pictures of that!

Chase was in heaven playing with sticks and mud. Oh, and he had a killer runny nose. I think that's actually why I took this picture..it just begged to be documented. :)

There is is again. Sorry, I selected these photos for the blog just because of the cute expressions and eyes, but now that I'm looking at them closer up I can see the runny nose and am remembering that's why I took the pictures. Maybe they shouldn't be the ones I share with the whole world, but I already put the effort in to blogging them, so there you have them.

I probably should have rotated this picture, but I forgot. This was Saryn's bed for the first 2 or 3 weeks we were home. Our crib was still in storage, and Chase hadn't moved into his "big boy bed" yet, so she got the sled under the dining room table. It worked just fine!

Chaser-man is so big now. It's crazy. He has started being much more loving to his sister, so that's a welcome relief. He likes to snuggle her in Grampa's big chair.

At the time this picture was taken, Saryn hadn't started moving too much yet, so she could hang out on the counter like this while I made dinner. Those days are gone now.

It was fun while it lasted! (This is actually Mom and Dad's house, for anyone who is wondering. I was just making dinner there because our side was a disaster due to the unpacking. It still is.)

I was changing Saryn's diaper in the bedroom one day, and I came out to find Chase like this! He scooted the footstool over to the fireplace, somehow managed to get lion up on the footstool, then climbed onto the fireplace so he could "mount his horse". I should have scolded him because this is a pretty precarious position...especially because he was trying to ride lion on the footstool, and he's only got about 10 inches before they fall off the cliff together. It was just too funny though, I couldn't do it! I just busted up laughing and had to take a picture. These little guys are so funny.

Our friends, the Welches, gave Chase a belated birthday present now that we finally came home to Barrow. He LOVES this duck towel!! I think it's stinkin' adorable. Thanks, Welches!
(As a side note, he has now started asking for duck towel when he drinks his milk. He likes to put the towel over his pillow and then lay down to drink his milk in case his cup leaks. Silly boy. Not sure how that got started....)

Oh, this was an exciting day! Chase started wearing big boy undies! Just for the day though, don't get too excited. We went through 5 pairs that day. He's not terribly interested in potty training yet, and I've got too many things going on right now and am still trying to get the house organized, so I haven't offered the big boy undies too many times. I think he'll probably figure the potty thing out pretty quickly once I finally get myself ready to deal with it.
He was pretty proud of his Tow-Mater undies. Papa Henrie would be proud, too. :)

Jacob's Birthday

This also happened over a month ago, but I had a few pictures I wanted to make sure to share. We just love the Jacob-Man so much! He was a huge bright spot in our summer, all summer long. We are so glad we got to spend so much time with him, and especially glad we got to share in his birthday celebration! Love you, Jacob!

Jacob and Great-Grampa Engebretson sporting their party hats. Jacob got a puppy and a super-sweet fire engine for his birthday. Along with a lot of other awesome presents...

We figured we should get a picture of Grampa with Chase and Kaiya, too, while we had the chance. Such cuties!

Me and my buddy, Jacob. Love you so much, Jacob!
(He doesn't look that thrilled to be taking a picture with me, but he really does like me, I promise!!!)

These pictures of Saryn weren't on Jacob's birthday, but I just wanted to throw them in cause she's getting so cute.

See what I mean? :)

Final Days in Fairbanks

Oh, goodness. We've had a busy month. A REALLY busy month. We made it home to Barrow on September 12, and we've spent the last several weeks trying to get organized in our new home! It's been really wonderful living right next door to Grama and Grampa Elbert. Chase says "I'm going to go knock knock"...that means he's going to play at Grama and Grampa's house. :)

So, here's a little recap of some of our last days in Fairbanks. These are probably not in chronological order.


Wayne grew strawberries in pots on the deck this summer, so Chase and Grama Elbert spent some time picking them together. They were soooooo good!

I got the kids' Halloween costumes from Once Upon a Child...they had this giraffe costume that was pretty cute, but it ended up being to small so I just took a picture and returned it. Love that little face!

Saryn-Bear is getting CHUBBED OUT!!!

Chase wanted to nap in the laundry basket. Okay, whatever you want, Chase. This only lasted a few minutes.

I borrowed Mike and Amanda's super-sweet jogging stroller/bike trailer and totally fell in love. This thing is awesome. I'm hoping to get one in the next few months. Yes, even in Barrow. :) There is a ski attachment so you can put the trailer on skis and wear a harness to ski or walk around with them. The kicker is that it has a wind cover on it, so I would actually be able to take the kiddos out in this lovely Barrow weather!!! As it stands, it's a mad dash to the car so that Saryn will take a breath again. The wind here just makes it impossible for babies to breathe! You can dress babies for the cold...you just can't keep them out of the wind and keep them breathing at the same time. I'm hoping this stroller is the answer...for me at least.

Spencer and Holly got an indoor bouncy house for their kiddos, and Chase happened to be there for the debut! The kids loved wrestling with the stuffed animals in the bouncy house.

They were all good helpers deflating it, too. :)

"Hi. I'm cute."

"Hi. I'm a mad scientist."

Oh man. Chase LOVES to "play water". I set him up at the counter with a towel, a few bowls, and measuring spoons and cups and he is busy for 45 minutes at a time! This is THE BEST activity we've found for him when I need to make dinner or do something else that takes my full attention. So glad we discovered this love of his.

More to come.

Thank you for families

This is Chase singing a song he made up. I have never heard him do this before, but this morning he kept walking around singing this song. Adorable! We are definitely thankful for our family. :)

A little of this, a little of that.

When we were in Calgary Michelle let us visit her at work (she's a paramedic). Chase got a personalized tour of the firetruck, complete with pushing the buttons to turn on the siren and flash the lights and everything! He also got to check out the ambulance and the fire hall. Talk about HEAVEN for a 2 year old boy!

I love how Chase is looking at Saryn in this picture!

Grampa made a name badge for Chase. Chase probably spent an hour playing with it and sticking it on and off his forehead. Where are Grampa's great ideas when I'm trying to exercise or get the dishes done?!?!?!

Wayne took me out for dinner at the Calgary Tower on my birthday. Not the best picture, but our waiter wasn't very patient with taking pictures. It was really cool, the restaurant overlooks the city and it rotates slowly while you eat so you can see everything while you're there. It makes one rotation every 45 minutes. Pretty cool!

Taylor and Sar-Bear. Love them!

Grama Elbert participated in her first EVER Senior Games earlier this week.
Her first event was bocce ball, which she had never played before. She looked up the directions and studied them prior to the game, then went and totally rocked it. She won the GOLD!!! Woo-hoo! Go Grama! She made the newspaper as well. :)

Chase had his first McDonald's Playplace experience the other day. We never take him there because nursing school RUINED me and the thought of all the nasty germs in there totally grosses me out. But, I finally relented the other day and we went to play there with cousins. What happened exactly 48 hours later? Chase had a 101.5 degree temperature. Go figure. We probably won't ever go back. Sorry, Saryn, you'll never get to experience the joy of the Playplace. It's just not worth it.

Who needs the Playplace to have a happy childhood? Look at that smile! :)

Holly and her kiddos watching Grama at the bocce ball games. They were the best little cheerleaders!

And here's the Chaser-Man watching Grama play. The sponsors of the Senior Games provided Chex mix to the participants, and one of the gramas there took a liking to Chase and donated her Chex mix to him. He's a hit wherever he goes!